Why knowing all your trauma patterns hasn't actually healed a single one of them.

You know your attachment style. You can diagram your childhood wounds on a whiteboard. You can explain your triggers in complete clinical detail. Yet the second you get triggered, your chest tightens, and you react the exact same way.

Analysing your feelings is often just your brain's cleverest defence mechanism. It feels like you’re doing the work, pulling back the curtain, which is a part of it, yes, but feeling it is how you actually move on, and I’ll give you an example. 

I saw someone talking about me online years ago, and the embarrassment- Christ, I felt like I was on fire. It was horrendous, and I kept trying to shake it off until I caught myself and said, “if we feel this now, it’ll still be embarrassing but never as bad as it feels now”, and I was right. I let my face burn, I let my stomach squirm, and I did feel better for it. When I recall that memory, it doesn’t feel amazing, but I’m able to let it pass without much sensation at all.

Your mind figured out that if it stays locked in the observation tower, intellectualising the wound, it never has to go down into the basement and actually feel it. No one wants to enter the spooky basement of all your traumas and face that. That’s scary af.

Knowing why the house is on fire doesn't put out the flames. Healing isn't a cognitive debate between your noggin and the nervous system; it’s really somatic digestion. The subconscious doesn't speak in rational bullet points… it lives in the gut that drops, inside the chest that tightens, and the breath that shudders. Moving through the sensations as they come is a skill most of us don’t learn until we realise we know our patterns intricately but nothing much has changed. 

If this sounds like something you’re interested in, work with me!